Trying not to apologize

cleaning-clip-art-a687634f87d355499999480e94fb805dI volunteered to host a first-time meet-up of several ladies (and their kids) for a new book club. We “met” over a local Facebook group. We were interested in starting a book club, so we coordinated our first meeting – at my house. At my house, tomorrow (don’t worry, it wasn’t last minute).

Today I spent several hours and four magic erasers trying to clean the grout in my old tile floor. My toddler has decided to move all of his toys from his room to the living room, but other than that, my house is pretty clean. Just don’t look at my blinds.

I don’t know much about these 5 women. I know they are mothers and live around here, but that is about it. And I know, that as they walk in the door, pulling or carrying their little ones in with them, I will have the strong urge to apologize.

I will feel the need to apologize that my house isn’t big enough. Or clean enough. Or new enough. Or that my carpet is lame, or that I don’t have the most comfortable couch. Or perhaps, I will want to apologize that we don’t have a separate playroom for the little ones.

But I will not apologize. It may be hard for me to keep my mouth shout and not utter “I’m sorry,” but I will succeed. I won’t even apologize for the blob of wall paint my brother got on the ceiling that we still haven’t fixed.

Why should I feel self-conscious that my home isn’t a new house, in pristine-condition, full of expensive things? I shouldn’t!

I really don’t need to apologize for not having the best house. I don’t need to apologize that my house isn’t sparkling white. I’m not perfect, my house isn’t perfect, but it’s our home.

My home is full of love, laughter, and fun (well, most of the time). My home is full of good memories and in the three short years we have lived here, we have done much to make it our own.

So I won’t apologize that my home isn’t straight out of a magazine. I won’t cheapen our home or feel ashamed. I won’t show you or my children that we need more to be happy, because we don’t.

And if you open your home for us to socialize and share and connect, don’t apologize to me, either.

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